he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
