my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
