This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
