How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
