Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
