she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Green mimosas i think yes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
