you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You need a sexual gate keeper
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
