This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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