she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
