Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
