i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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