I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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