Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's blow job season.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
