I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
