I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
