so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
