have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
