Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How does it feel to date your dad?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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