it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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