one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
