I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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