my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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