he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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