I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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