you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
