Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
