That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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