Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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