North Korea, Best Korea!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
