So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
