By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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