I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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