I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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