What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
