Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
