If i come over, it means nothing
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
