If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
