Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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