i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
