i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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