You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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