Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
