I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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