I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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