would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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