I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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