I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
