You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
