**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
