dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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