for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
